Lost, Alone, Found, Loved
by promisesoffuture
Summary: Jace lost the people he loved most in his life. He goes through pain and hurt to just find himself again. To him, he's alone. No one cares and no will understand. Then a girl comes along. Seeing his broken heart she tries to pick him up. Jace can't seem to feel love again but everyone needs to take a risk.
1. Chapter 1

Jace watched as the body of his mother was lowered into the dirt. He stood alone, with no tears in his eyes. Not even tears could show him how much he hurt. The pain kept growing each day as he let himself realize that she was gone. He shouldn't be suffering because he was prepared for her leaving. There was no reason that he should feel pain. Jace knew it was coming but why did it still hurt? He didn't cry, didn't scream in agony, just stood. Lost and alone. Hurt and in pain. As the dirt covered her coffin completely, he closed his eyes.

 _"Mom," Jace said and walked into the hospital room. Celine sat on the bed reading a book. "I brought you flowers. White roses, your favorite." he set them in an empty vase where other flowered were placed in. Celine smiled at her son and looked at the roses he gave._

 _"Thank you, Jace." she whispered and smiled slightly. Jace watched her face carefully. He didn't want to miss a single detail. "I never told you about why I liked roses so much. Particularly white ones." she locked eyes with him. "Gosh, you look just like him." Jace sighed and remembered his father. Blonde hair, same smile, same jawline, but different eye color. "I miss him. He gave me white roses on the day I gave birth to you. I asked him why white but he just smiled at me. Never gave me a reason until. . .he looked at you." a tear slowly fell from her eye. "Stephen said that you were so innocent. So perfect and pure. He loved you. He promised to never let something so pure be ruined. In a way, he promised to protect you." she cried quietly. "To never let you cry. Never let anyone hurt you." she looked back at the roses._

 _Jace smiled sadly. He remembered his father, everything about him._

 _"That's exactly what he did." Celine said and reached to touch a single petal. "He sacrificed everything for you." her voice was so distant to Jace. He felt lost just listening to it. "That night, he proved it to me. Just how much he loved you." her voice trembled and Jace tried to fight off the memory he could never forget._

 _The gun shot, his father dropping dead in front of him. His shield, his protector, his father. Jace hated himself after that. Two men broke into their house at night. Jace was only eight and as the naïve boy he was, he tried to fight back. Hitting and kicking the two older men, but in return got a gun pointed at him. As quick as he was, Stephen jumped in to shield Jace from the impact. All he heard after that was his mother's scream._

 _"He should have let me die." Jace whispered and leaned his head on his mother's shoulder. "I should have died." Celine held her son close to her. In that moment, Jace never wanted it to end. He wanted his mother's arms around him. Forever._

 _"Then he wouldn't have been you father. If he would have let you die, he wouldn't be Stephen." Celine whispered and felt Jace's breathing even out. His eyes were closed peacefully and fell asleep. "He loved you too much to let you die in front of his eyes."_

Jace sighed and walked away from the graves that marked his parents. It took everything in him to ignore the broken feeling inside. He felt it burn at his chest, waiting for the tears to start falling but Jace held them back.

Stephen Herondale

Friend, Son, Husband, Father

Celine Herondale

Friend, Daughter, Wife, Mother

"You should leave for awhile." Alec said and handed Jace a beer from the other side of the table. "Go to a different country for a week and just forget." Jace sighed and nodded. "Try. . .Italy or London." he took a sip of his drink and thought.

"Yeah, I think I might just go to Italy." Jace smiled. "My mom and dad would always take me there." Alec gave Jace a look of warning. "Okay, London it is."

"Forget, Jace." Alec whispered to him softly. Jace felt a tingle in his chest. How could he forget? It hurt too much. Brought so much pain. He had to keep it all in and that hurt far more. Tears never fell, no matter how hard it would get. He wouldn't let himself cry. Pain is just an emotion, it doesn't last forever. Nothing ever does. Not even love that is so strong.

* * *

Jace carried his suitcase to his hotel. He didn't look at the girls who checked him out, he didn't give anyone time of day. To him, no one was worth his time. He slid the card in and entered his room. The first thing he did was lay on the bed. His eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling above him.

He missed them and he wished that they could be by his side. There was nothing but a pit of loneliness. The only ones who loved him were gone and they would never come back. It hurt to remember but also hurt to forget. Every wish he ever made was for them to come back. Pain. Hurt. Loneliness. All these emotions kept dragging him down into a dark cavern he knew he would never be able to get out of. Everything disappeared and it was just Jace. The world vanished and all that was left was a sad, broken boy, too broken to love. He hated himself for being weak but how could he be strong? Two people he loved most in the world were gone. It seemed like he could never heal. Like nothing would get better. Everything hurt but he had bare it. Jace had to carry all these feelings alone. No one understood him and they never will. The only emotion they'd feel for him would be, pity.

Slowly, his eyes dropped closed and he fell into dreams of his father and mother. In dreams, everything was perfect. . .until you wake up the next day and realize what you lost. For Jace, he lost everything.

When he woke up, Jace's eyes landed on the clock. 9:32 pm. Sighing he pulled on different cloths and walked to the hotel bar. People crowded around, talking, drinking, flirting. Over all, wasting their time. Jace sat down on an empty stool and tried to ignore the two people making out next to him. The bartender walked up to him.

"Scotch." Jace said emotionlessly. The man nodded and went to get his drink.

"Ya know, if you don't smile once and awhile, your face might as well stay a frown." a voice said as Jace turned his head. His golded eyes were soon met with a pair of green ones. The girl's red hair looked like fire. "What's wrong, pretty boy? Had a bad break up?" she asked him. Jace smirked and shook his head.

"Nah, no girl would want to leave this man." he said cockily. The girl just rolled her eyes but still smiled. The man came back with his drink. Jace took the glass in his hands and gave it a sip.

"Well, if it wasn't a break up. . .what has your pretty face all flustered?" she asked. He noticed that she had a heavy accent. Of course, this was London.

"Thanks, I know I'm pretty." he slyly said but didn't really want to answer her question. "I'm going through some issues." the girl laughed.

"Aren't we all?" she asked. "I mean, look over there." her hand pointed to a girl who was getting drunk and grinding against a random guy. "That girl looks like she just got cheated on."

"Or she could be the one cheating." Jace spoke. She laughed and shook her head.

"A girl that looks that innocent. . ." her voice tailed off.

"We all have looks but just because someone looks that way, doesn't mean they are that way." he said and took another sip. He felt the burn of the alcohol slide down his throat but the burn of his heart hurt even more. By now nothing mattered to him. He could hurt all he wanted and wouldn't care.

"Yeah, but you are a different story." she whispered to him. He looked at her and finally saw how short she was. "A sad man at a bar. Isn't that pretty obvious?" Jace chuckled.

"I guess." he paused before saying. "I'm Jace." she smiled at him. Her smile was so bright, the sun would be jealous.

"Clary." she quipped and took a good look at him. "With a pretty face like yours, it should smile a bit more." he sighed and looked at her again. "We all have issues, Jace, but we all get over them. That is. . .if you are willing to fight hard enough to get over them."

Jace thought for a second. "And if you're not strong enough to get through them?" he asked her and saw Clary's smile grow bigger.

"Hard times exist for a reason. If you're weak one day, you're stronger the next. Besides, we don't go through life alone." she said and ordered a beer. "That's why there's seven billion people in the world. You just have to find the one who is willing to walk with you." she reached in her pocket and handed him a card. "Life is risky. How can you feel so alone when you're not? Call me, will you?" she said before walking away in the crowd of people. He lost sight of her retreating form. He looked down at her number and smiled. The stinging pain of losing everything vanished. To him, life was just following rules but maybe they could break for a little while.

 **A/N: Do you guys want a few more chapters on this? Let me know! I wrote this after talking to a. . .friend. She said to me, "If life had an easy way, then why can't I find it?" I've gone through a lot of events in my life and I've fought through them. Honestly, if there was an easy way then I wouldn't go on that path because I've fought too hard to just give now. We are human. We are flawed. We are broken. Everyone is but giving up proves nothing. Today might be hard but there's always tomorrow. Again, if you want more, let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

The next day all he could think about was Clary, Jace laid on the bed lost in thought. He looked at his phone, then to Clary's number. She was so different to him, so bright. Some how, she made him smile. She made him want to live. When he was with her, he felt out of the ordinary. Her smile alone, warmed his heart. After all he's lost in his life, a random girl could make him feel less alone. Life was different when he was with her. No matter how hard he tried to forget about his parents, he couldn't but then she came, and it was like she rescued him. Her smile, laugh, voice. Jace didn't want forget her.

He typed in the number and soon enough, she answered. "Hey, this is Jace." he said and heard her laugh.

"Oh, Mr. I-Have-Issues." she said and Jace could see her smile. "Couldn't stay away?" she teased. Jace chuckled and closed his eyes. He could drown in her voice and everything would be okay.

"Nope." he said. "Want to meet up? Get some coffee." Jace heard her shuffle on the other end.

"Yeah, I have a break at 6:00. Meet me at the coffee shop just a block away from the hotel." she said to him.

"Okay." he spoke as she hung up. Jace let out a breath and looked out the window. London's sky was cloudy. It was like the sun would never shine. Everyday felt heavy and dark. He just wished he could feel a little happy. Even just for a minute but with her. . .every second is bright. With her, he felt less alone and wanted. The world seemed to place its never ending curse of him but she drove the darkness away. Her smile was something he never wanted to forget. Clary was something he never would forget.

Everyday seemed so meaningless to Jace. There's no reason for him to live anymore but she just walked in. He once felt so alone and she smiled. . .and everything was just so much brighter. He needed her. For the first time, he finally let himself cry. . .and that stone cold boy, who didn't care if his life ended, felt free. All the emotion he kept burning inside, was let out in one sob. His parents. The only ones who understood, who promised to never leave his side, were gone but then, came Clary. Jace lost everything but gained something more. Someone who will last longer than forever and forever is a long time.

* * *

Jace sat at a coffee shop, sipping his drink. He looked through his phone and found texts from friends. _I'm so sorry for your loss, Jace. We're here for you. Don't forget you have friends._ He let out a slow sigh. They cared for him, he knew that, but he was suffering, not them. To understand someone, would be being them but you can't be anyone else but yourself.

"Is this seat taken?" a voice asked. Jace's eyes lifted up to Clary's. She smiled and gave him a little wave.

"Yes, actually." Jace smirked. Clary rolled her eyes. "For a short redhead. Seen her around?" Clary laughed, it was something Jace wanted to hear his whole life. A joyful laugh.

"If I see her around, I'll let you know," she said and sat down. "So, what brings you to London?" her eyes locked with his. The pools of green captured him.

"Change of scenery." he stated simply. "Just get some air." Jace took a sip of his coffee. Clary giggled a little. Her smile never fell and that made Jace's heart flutter.

"There's more depth than that." she waved a pack of sugar in his face. "Life isn't as simple as, 'A change of scenery." she was right. Jace knew that but he didn't really seem ready to tell her all his secrets. They're called secrets for a reason. "You're a lost man, Jace. Don't know the difference between living and existing."

"Well, dear Clary, mind telling me the difference between living and existing." he smiled at her, though it didn't reach his eyes. Clary could read him like an open book.

"To live is letting in a little risk, a little fun. Break the rules because what's the point of them? To keep you safe? More like keep you trapped." she said and grinned. "Do some illegal things. . .break into a house, have some fun while you're alive." Jace looked at her questioningly. "There are things in life that you must keep quiet about. As for existing, going by rules. Building a wall. . .caged, alone. That's not living." she whispered to him. Jace nodded and knew how much she could see in him. She could see that closed off man. Never letting himself be free. "100 years, it's not as long as you think. Today might have been yesterday's tomorrow but today's tomorrow just might not come. I'd rather live every second I'm alive, then waste it all and die." Jace closed his eyes. He thought of his dad. The man who sacrificed his life just so his hopeless son could live his. "We don't have control over life but being out control is sometimes a good thing."

Jace didn't talk for a while. Has he wasted his life? "Want to take a walk?" he asked her. She smiled and nodded. Jace threw some money on the table and walked out with her.

* * *

They walked down a park in the middle of the night. Neither of them talked. The night was quiet and cold. Jace felt so awake. Every night would be dreams of his parents and he could never truly remember their faces. Just distinct features. The color of their eyes, hair, smile. He only wished to hear their voices again. The sky was empty and dark. It was so distant, so far away just like his parents. Everyone misses someone they lost. Someone so close to them but sometimes we get the feeling that they're there. Beside us, watching, protecting. It's comforting and to Jace it's a sign that he did something right for once in his life.

"I love the night sky." Clary said and looked up. "Even if it seems so empty. There's always stars. We just can't see them. It shows you how blind humans are." Jace smiled and looked up.

"Or how empty dreams are. . ." he said and watched as her face went from a smile to a frown.

"Dreams aren't empty."

"They're fantasies at night. ." Jace said and sighed. "Everyone dreams and all for what? What do you do when you wake up the next day?"

"Make those dreams a reality." Clary stated strongly. Jace gave her a look of shock. He didn't expect that. "So what if dreams are in your head? There are so many possibilities. So much time to make everything real." her voice was soft and her smile returned. "You are so lost, Jace. So many people in the world are but life. . .life is limited. While you're walking, make endless realities." he didn't know how such a small girl, could hold so much hope. "Time stops for no one, so make your time. . .what you dreamed it would be."

Jace stopped walking. Clary stood in front of him, watching. His eyes gazed over her. He saw a spark in her eyes, one he didn't have. The world vanished and it was just Jace and Clary. They looked at each other. Not saying anything. He wondered why she saw this world so differently. Past the anger and hate, the death and the blood. She actually saw hope in everything. Even in a lost, alone boy.

"Life isn't a card game." she said and walked closer to him. "There are no rules. There may be limits but push hard enough. . .and there will be none." her hand lifted up and rested over his heart. "A shattered heart is still a heart. Just pick it up. Put it back together and come back stronger." she smiled up at him and Jace saw the spark again.

 _Hope._

 **A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed that one. Anyway, I don't know how many chapter I'm going to have one this. Honestly, this just takes place in the week that Jace is in London. I might add more. . .Clary visits New York but who knows. I'll come back soon with another chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

_"Celine?" Stephen asked as he entered the room. On the white bed lay a woman staring happily at her new born son. He smiled at the sight. "I brought some flowers." she looked up and saw the three white roses in his hand. Celine smiled._

 _"Roses." she stated. "White ones. I didn't know you were a rose guy, Stephen." she teased. He rolled his eyes and sat beside her. His hand came up to brush a stand of her hair away from her face. "Did you know that, Jace?" she cooed at him. Stephen looked as his wife smile at his baby boy. He hasn't looked at Jace yet but he already knew he looked exactly like him. "Why'd you get white roses?" Celine asked with her eyes on Jace. Once she looked up, she saw his smile widen._

 _Stephen finally laid eyes on his son. Eyes of gold, blonde hair, so pure and perfect. Not yet tainted with the worlds hate. A blessing to Stephen. Just a baby boy who didn't worry about anything. He watched as Jace reached up to grab onto his dad. Stephen chuckled and took Jace's small hand. Nothing could take him away. Not ever._

 _"Stephen?" Celine asked._

 _"He's so perfect." he whispered in return. Stephen leaned down and brushed his nose with Jace's. Both so alike. "So perfect. A pure baby boy. My baby boy. An angel gifted to you and I and until he becomes strong enough to protect me. . .I'll protect him. I'll shield him, I'll be his light and I will hold his hand forever. A rose wilts but I'll forever stay by his side." Jace held onto Stephen's finger tightly as if keeping him to his word. Celine smiled and looked back at the roses that sat in a vase. "He's my white rose. I'll be his thorns."_

Jace sat on the balcony of his hotel room. A single white rose in his hand. The petals pure and soft. His dad's last smile, his mom's last words. they always replayed in his head. Over and over again, like a never ending pattern. He poked the thorn and felt a small drop of blood slide off his finger. The pain didn't bother him. His heart felt heavy and his smile wouldn't show even if he forced it to. The night was slowly ending and the sun came back. The once dark sky blazed with light but somehow he was still in darkness. Clary's words still hung in his head.

 _A shattered heart is still a heart._

Each day it sinks in, knowing that he'll never see his parents again. Never hear their voices or see their smiles. It hurt and each day he became more broken than the next. He hated being weak but he couldn't be strong. The red drop of blood dripped off his finger and landed on the white, pure petal. Tainting it. Jace saw the red stain the white.

 _"Daddy?" Jace whispered and peeked his head into his father's office. Stephen looked up from his desk and saw his son. He smiled._

 _"Why aren't you asleep, Jace? It's late." Stephen forgot about the stressful paperwork and focused on Jace. "Come here." he patted his lap and Jace ran to his dad. Jace sat on Stephen's lap hugging him closely. "What's wrong?"_

 _"I had a bad dream." Jace whispered and shivered in fright. Stephen's hold tightened. "You and mommy left me. Said you didn't want me, I wasn't a good son to you. . .then you were gone. I was crying and. . ." he let out a soft whimper. Stephen could feel the fear running off Jace. He didn't like that his son was so afraid of him. He didn't like that he would even dream of his own father leaving him._

 _"Jace, I love you so much. I wouldn't ask for a different son." Stephen whispered and cooed to him. "Never, in my entire existence, leave you. You are my son, my child and I would never forgive myself if I left you." Jace nodded and smiled slightly at his dad. Stephen brushed away some blonde hair and caressed his son's cheek. "I love you. . .never forget that. I will never leave you,_ _Jace_. _. .please believe me." he buried his face into Jace's shoulder._

Jace missed his dad and hated him for breaking his promise. The day he watched his father die, was like watching time stop. It felt like every happy memory never existed. He heart ached for his dad. Jace's eyes watched as the sun kept rising. Another day without them. Just waking up every morning and realizing that they're gone, it feels like forever. It's funny how life can change in one second. Faster than a gun shot. Today would be longer than the next. People die everyday but it still hurts nonetheless.

 _Life is limited._ _While you're walking, make endless realities._

He just couldn't see what was left of him. Jace, just a broken boy who can't seem to break out of his shell. Still, Clary seemed to see something else. She had hope in everything. Her smile was enough to brighten up a cloudy day. She was perfect and he was flawed. . .but she completed him. His world seemed to finally have a sun when he was with her. Yet, everyone he loved would disappear. Deep in his chest, he could hear a clock ticking away. Time slowly passed. Risk. To risk his heart. Jace smiled sadly and dialed Clary's number. On the third ring, she answered.

"Hey, Jace." her voice entered his mind. All the worry and doubt was gone in a flash.

"What are things we can do in London? Something fun." he asked and heard her laugh. His smile widened.

"The wall is finally coming down?"

Jace paused and looked out. The sun was up and people went about their lives. Yeah, it was time to forget.

"Yes." he whispered. "It's time."

 _I will never leave you, Jace. . .please believe me._ For once in Jace's life, he finally believed in his father's words.

 **A/N: Sorry if this took so long to get out but school is starting soon! I'm not looking forward to it. Anyway, I had an argument with my guy friend about guys having journals and diaries. I said that some boys DO have diaries but he said that they don't. Any guy out there have MY BACK?!**


	4. Chapter 4

Pain racked her body as she struggled to breathe. Her hand clawed at his as she fought but his hold on her neck was too strong. She couldn't scream and no one would hear her if she tried. Tears burned in her eyes as one by one, they fell. Her heart pounded in her chest but he didn't care. Her fear was music to him. She shook and cried, but his strength didn't falter. Everything was going black but her eyes fought to stay open. His laughed made her stomach turn and his eyes stared cruelly at her. Panic filled her veins. . .then. . .everything slowly faded.

Clary gasped for air as she woke up. She could hear her heart beat. Her eyes scanned the room and saw that she was alone in her apartment. Clary pulled the blanket over her tighter and she cried in fear. This didn't happen all the time. Just the nights when she chooses to remember. She curled into herself and closed her eyes to fall back asleep.

* * *

Jace laughed as Alec told him about Magnus. Two months ago, Alec met a man at a bar and they hit it off pretty well. Though, Magnus would always take a chance to embarrass Alec. Jace loved it! He was always a little happier with the Lightwoods. They're family in Jace's eyes.

"There was glitter everywhere! The restaurant was just in so much shock." Alec said through the phone and listened as Jace laughed. "I was panicking. People were just staring. Magnus was laughing and I didn't know what to do!" Jace heaved over on the bed.

"Well, that's Magnus. I mean how could you not notice that the cap wasn't closed all the way?" Jace asked and looked at the time. He was meeting Clary soon and that was something he didn't want to miss. "Sometimes I love Magnus more than you do." Alec chuckled.

"Not possible." he said and Jace nodded. He knew how much Alec loved Magnus. After Robert tried to kick him out because of being gay, Alec found refuge in Magnus. Jace felt happy for him and hoped that maybe one day, he'd fall in love as well. Right now, he needed to heal his heart. "There's no way you'll love him more than me." Alec whispered. Jace smiled.

"Well, I hope you still have some love for me." Jace said and heard him laugh. "I have to go. Talk to you later." Alec said a quick goodbye and hung up. Jace combed through his hair again and walking out of his room. He made his way over to the coffee shop where he'd meet Clary. She wanted to take him to Shakespeare's House and as a fan of literature, Jace just had to agree. Then it was Clary's plan for the rest of the day. She said she had everything cover but there are flaws in everything. He opened the door and was greeted by the strong sent of coffee. His eyes looked around and saw the redhead sitting at the far table. As he walked closer, he saw faint purple bags under her eyes. Worry filled him as he approached her.

"Hey!" Clary said and straightened up. Jace smiled and sat down. His eyes followed her slowly. Tracing her moves and eyeing her carefully. "So, we are going to Shakespeare like we said and then, me personally, I want to go see Big Ben. Then, maybe-"

"Have you gotten sleep?" Jace cut her off and her eyes snapped to his. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Jace felt like there was something off about her. She looked startled and tired. He wanted to tell her to go home and get some sleep.

"We all have these days, Jace." she said and took a sip of her coffee. Jace nodded and found no point in arguing. "Then to the London Eye and maybe if we have time, to the London Bridge." she smiled at him again and he saw something off, but he went with it. No matter what, Jace was excited about spending the day with Clary. The thought made him want to jump! Life was different with her around and he wished it would never change. "Let's stop wasting time!" Clary yelled and got looks from people around them. She grabbed his hand and they ran out of the coffee shop. They laughed as they ran quickly to the bus stop. Even if you can usually see only clouds in London. . .the sun was shining bright and Jace finally felt alive.

* * *

The house of Shakespeare came into view. Jace smiled and took a few pictures. He never thought his love for books would be stronger but at this moment he felt it grow. People gathered around and listened to a man talking about the great author. His eyes gazed over the house where a man of history once lived. Clary grabbed his hand and pulled him closer.

"What was your favorite book by Shakespeare?" Clary asked as she viewed the house as well. Jace looked down at her and grinned. "I loved _Romeo and Juliet_." she quipped and smiled up at him. he shrugged and thought for a while. He had many and _Romeo and Juliet_ but _Macbeth_ was also good. "Don't know, huh?"

"Nope. There are just too many to chose from but _Romeo and Juliet_ was also a favorite. Two worlds, two people from different worlds. Falling in love but never getting the chance to." Jace whispered and casted his eyes back up to the house. "I applaud him for his work." Clary nudged him gently.

"They did get their chance and besides. . .death can't separate love. . ." she paused and looked up to the sky. "Even if they're gone." Jace gave her a confused eye. Clary just waved him off. "I'll tell you some other time." Jace stared at her closely as she walked forward to get a better view. There was something off but he didn't let it ruin the day. . .and today was just the start of his life.

 **A/N: It's really short, I know but school has been kicking my butt. Also I am in sports and things have just been clawing at me. Sorry if this chapter was long over due and very CRAPPY! I just wanted to get this out there. So anyway, I'll hopefully get the next chapter out soon. (Next chapter: More of Clary and Jace's day together and we get to see more of Clary's past.)**


	5. Chapter 5

Jace looked up at Big Ben and thought of how strong it was. So many years, so many hours, seconds, minutes and it still goes. Never gives up and keeps up with time's fast speed. He wished he could be the same. To just keep going and never look back. The time is the present and tomorrow is the future. Clary smiled up at the clock and sighed. Jace turned toward her and saw longing in her eyes. He wondered what was so important about Big Ben to her.

"You know, time goes by so fast. So many years and almost too many to count, but all of us only have 100 years to live." Clary said to him. Her eyes stayed fixed on the tower. The green became dull and pale. Jace wanted the vibrant green back. The one that would always make him smile. Jace took her hand and the pale eyes went away. Soon he saw the spark again. _Hope._ Something Jace thought he'd never have but he did. Clary. His hope. "Sometimes, people only think that they're living." she smiled up at him and nudged him playfully. Jace chuckled.

"Yeah, but those people have someone out there to teach them how to live." Jace winked at her. She laughed and nodded.

"So you admit you need me." she teased him. Jace smiled.

"I need you more ways than one." he whispered and saw the lightest blush creep up her cheeks. His smile grew bigger and he felt pure bliss. The feeling was so new to him but he wanted more of it.

"Okay, Goldilocks, take it easy. . ." she said and returned her confidence. Jace laughed. Her face flushed but she kept on her confident look. She mumbled something under her breath. His laughter died down and he smiled. Everything seemed so perfect with her. Just being around her brought light to darkness, life to death. It felt amazing for someone who didn't know how to live. Especially for Jace.

"It's true." he whispered and looked back up at Big Ben. "I'm the clock and you're worth every second of my time." she giggled.

"Cheesy." she said and smiled sadly. Her eyes landed back on the clock. "Yeah, he said that too." she whispered that Jace barely heard her. He felt his smile drop and the green came back to a dull color. Jace wondered why she was like this. Not the happy, full of life Clary but something different. _Someone_ different. She almost seemed soulless. Jace sighed but kept quiet. It wasn't his place. It just wasn't the time. Not yet.

* * *

Clary and Jace sat in a park in silence. They gazed up at the clouds that rolled by. Taking shape of different things as the wind moved them. Jace felt the urge to ask Clary who she had been talking about earlier but he respected her. Kids ran around with their parents, playing and laughing. Nothing to worry about and just smiled before life turned on them. So pure, as Stephen would have put it. He smiled and heard his dad's voice in his head.

 _"Jace, why don't you play with the other kids?" Celine asked and brushed Jace's hair away from his face. The five year old boy looked over at the other kids and quietly wished he had the courage to play with them. He timidly shook his head. "Why not? They look like they're having fun." Jace looked up at his mom with begging eyes. Celine smiled and recognized the look. Stephen would always give her that look. It said, "Please, don't make me." she giggled and looked over to her husband who stood behind her. He chuckled as if he knew what she was thinking._

 _"Jace, you're far too young to worry about things. Go over and play." Stephen spoke and put his hand on Jace's shoulder. He turned to his dad and gave him the same look, but this time it was much stronger. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME! Stephen laughed. "I know you're shy but that will get you nowhere in life. Go on. Your mom and I are right behind you. Always." Stephen rested his forehead on Jace's. Jace smiled and nodded slowly and made his way over to the other boys. He looked back at his dad who gave him a thumbs up. Soon, he felt the courage to do anything. With his parents behind him and life ahead. The world seemed so perfect in his eyes, but you grow up, and life's beauty becomes more of a tragedy._

"What are you thinking about?" Clary asked and laid her eyes on Jace. He smiled at her.

"My parents." he felt his voice come out as a whisper. "How much I miss them." Clary rolled over and looked Jace directly in the eye. Her eyes searched his as if looking for something. Her face in a small frown but soon she smiled. He saw her eyes light up and the real Clary was back.

"How can you miss them, if they're always with you." she said and took his hand to pull him back up. Jace smiled brightly at the thought of his parents watching over him. "You never really lose the people you love. You just can't see that they're there." he thought that she knew his parents were dead. He never told her but, yet again, she could read him like an open book. "No matter where they are. Distance makes the heart stronger." He laughed and nodded.

I guess you're right." He said.

"Oh Jace, I'm always right." she said and he rolled his eyes. The sun was beginning to set and the sky became a dark crimson. The clouds became distant and the day slowly got shorter and shorter. "Come on! Let's go the London Eye." even if the sun slowly set, it felt like the day just became so much more brighter. Clary, one name, one person and beautiful eyes to see the world differently. Jace felt ready to push his limits.

* * *

Clary's eyes looked out onto the city of London. They were so high up in the sky and she could see the city lights blaze in the dark sky. Jace sat beside her admiring the view from the height. New York was one thing but London was another. He felt free. Like a bird soaring on the wind in the sky. Gazing down at the world and forgetting all the trouble because from this high up, nothing could harm him.

"You know what I loved most about today?" Clary asked Jace. He shook his head and locked eyes with her. "Feeling like there was someone out there who understood me." Jace smiled and took her hand. She grasped onto it tightly. The city in the background and the lights that made darkness a bit more bearable. Gold and green just stared at each other. Not one saying a word. Nothing else matter. All of a sudden, there was nothing. No pain, sorrow, hate, or anger. Just two hearts that were thankful of finding each other. In a world so big, it's hard to believe that there's someone who will share their world with you, but Jace found Clary. In his darkness, she was brave enough to give him light.

The world around them blazed in fire of red and gold. Both minds forgot about the past and remembered where they stood today. Together. . .facing each cruel second hand in hand.

* * *

Her eyes gazed over the water under London bridge. Clary sighed and watched as the still water rippled in the wind. Jace stood next to her looking out as well.

"What happened to your parents?" Clary asked Jace never taking her eyes off the water. Jace frowned and remembered the tragedies he face recently.

"My dad was shot in a robbery and my mom died of cancer." he said simply as if it were the easiest thing to say. "I struggle everyday with their death. That's why I came her. Try to get my mind off things, get some fresh air." Clary sighed and had a look of sadness on her face. He smiled sadly. "You shouldn't feel bad. I've dealt with it. It's over, I guess." she shook her head.

"You can't just tell your story and expect nothing from the other person, Jace." she whispered. Her eyes never looked back with his. "Life isn't something you could share and not feel emotion." her voice trailed off into the distance. "Trust me, I know your pain. Losing people, gaining people and then losing them again. It's not fun but it's life." she closed her eyes and stayed quiet. Jace watched as a small tear fell from her face, though she didn't seem aware of it. He wanted to brush it away but he hands kept in place. The night sky hushed the world to sleep. Jace closed his eyes as well. Letting the last of his happiness fade away and reality came crashing in again.

"Let's head back?" he asked her and Clary nodded her head. "Clary. . .thank you for today." he leaned his head against hers. She let out a sigh of content.

"Jace?" she asked him softly. Another tear slipped out of her eye. He gave a questioning look. "Can I stay with you tonight? Just for one night. Please." he listened to her vulnerable voice. She looked so afraid, so alone. It broke his heart and he wanted the Clary he knew back.

"Yeah, of course."

The trip back was silent. Clary entered the hotel room and laid on the bed. Within seconds, she was asleep. Jace smiled and pulled the blanket over her frail body. He stroked her hair and got in next to her. She looked at peace and pure. Like an angel, ready to fly in her dreams. In Jace's dreams, she was the only one he saw. For he was flawed but she completed him.

"Goodnight." he whispered and held her hand while he slept. Clary smiled and felt her nightmares fade away. All she saw, was a broken man she met at a bar. Jace.

 **A/N: Longer chapter but still too short for my liking. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Geez, it feels like forever since I updated. I've been going though a lot of family issues and along with school, I'VE BEEN STRESSED! Well, what do expect? Anyway, I'll see you guys in the next chapter. (Chapter 6: Clary and Jace learn more about each other and a possible. . .kiss. NO PROMISES!)**


	6. Chapter 6

Clary woke up to the sun beaming through the window. She rolled over and saw a sleeping angel next to her. A smile appeared on her lips. The memories of yesterday exploded in her head. She only wished she had been happier. It was hard to forget the past when it always comes back. This was a rare time when she would actually regret. She let out a sigh. Clary felt Jace's hand tighten around hers. Slowly he opened his eyes and gave her a view of the golden pools. He locked on her eyes. As always, she got lost in them. She would always swim too deep into his eyes and get lost. They captured her and clamed her. She smiled widely. The feeling of her heart beating faster overcame her.

"Morning." he whispered softly and smiled. Her heart warmed. Everything in her was exploding with happiness.

"Hey," she said back. Jace let out a sigh. "Sorry I took your room." he chuckled. It didn't seem like he cared.

"Doesn't matter to me." he whispered. Clary smiled and brushed away his hair. They laid there quietly, just staring into each other's eyes. Trying to make time go slower. It felt right, just the two of them in a crowded world but they only saw each other. Their feelings unspoken but still there.

"My step-dad has a bookstore. You should come check it out." Clary said. "I'll come with you."

Jace let out a soft laugh. "With you. . .I'm up for anything." she blushed a light pink. Clary finally realized how much she missed the feeling of belonging somewhere. Somehow, with Jace, she felt safe and loved. All the past memories that haunted her were long forgotten. A man she met three days ago, already had her wrapped around his finger. It scared her but she felt something, and she knew he did too.

* * *

"Persuasion." Jace read as he picked up a book from the shelf. "Jane Austen. Wasn't she the one who wrote Pride and Prejudice?" Clary looked around the corner and smiled at him.

"Yep! One of my favorites!" she yelped as her small legs walked toward him. "Anne and Captain Wentworth are so perfect together." Jace shrugged.

"I've never read it before." he said and laughed as Clary let out a gasp. She pushed the book into his chest. Jace stumbled back a bit but, like always, he caught himself. "What?" she glared at him and kept pushing the book. He chuckled and flipped it over to read the back. A romantic novel. It did sound interesting to him. "Fine I'll buy it."

"I win!" Clary screamed triumphantly before rounding the corner to look for her step-dad. "Luke!" she yelled. Soon a tall man came out. "LUKE!" she yelled and ran to hug him. Jace smiled and watched as Luke laughed. He gazed at her with fatherly love.

"Hey, Clare. . ." he gave her a tight hug. "You haven't visited as much as you promised." she laughed and broke off the hug. Clary grinned and looked behind her to where Jace stood.

"I've been. . .busy." she stated, Luke followed her eyes and landed on the golden haired boy. His glare cut through Jace like a knife. Jace awkwardly waved, feeling a bit uncomfortable now. Luke looked at him, then to Clary, then back.

"Is he your. . .boy-"

"NO!" Clary screamed cutting him off before he could finish. She felt heat in her cheeks. Jace rubbed the back of his neck and gave him a tight smile. "He's just a friend that I met at a ba- library!" at this, Jace chuckled. She didn't want him to find out she was at a bar. She looked back and sent him a wink. "Yes! Library." Luke's eyes softened.

"Well, I'm Luke and you are?" Luke said while walking toward Jace with his hand out. Jace took it.

"I'm Jace."

"Not from around here, are you?" he asked as their hands let go. Jace smiled.

"Nah, I'm from New York. Came here for some. . .family business." it wasn't a total lie. Clary softly smiled.

"Huh." Luke said and eyed him.

Clary gave in a questioning look. "WELL! Luke, Jace has a book he wants so Luke. . .stop being weird." Clary said and gave him a tight smile. She yanked the book out of Jace's hand and handed it to her step-father. Luke sighed and took it.

* * *

"Sorry about that." Clary whispered as they walked down the park. Jace put his hand in his pockets.

"It's okay. He just loves you." Jace smiled down at her. Clary laughed as she walked. Her eyes holding a hint of sadness.

"After everything that's happened. . .I sure hope so." she said. "You never have told me your full story." Jace chuckled and looked up at the sky. Lightly cloudy but still blue. "Mind giving me an answer?"

He stared back at her and spotted a park bench. He guided her over to it and they sat down. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to remember every single detail of his life. "My dad died for me. . .he was shot in the back by a robber. It's funny because when I was born, he promised he wouldn't leave me. I was just eight. So stupid. If it weren't for me. . .he would still be alive." Jace smiled sadly. "After he died. . .the world grew so much bigger. Last week, was when my mom died. Cancer." Clary looked at the ground and closed her eyes shut. It was like a bad memory came rushing back. "I came here to forget and I didn't, but I found something better." he smiled at her. She didn't look at him. "You have a story too." he said. She nodded slowly. "Tell me?"

"Everyone has a story." she whispered. "I'll tell you mine. . .but promise me. . .you'll still look at me the same." a tear fell from her eye. Jace put her head in his hands. With his thumb, he brushed the tear away. He leaned and put his head on hers. "Please?" she begged. He nodded. Clary smiled and let herself remember. After all these years, she finally let herself go back on the memories she tried so hard to forget, but there was feeling when she was around Jace. She didn't know what it was because it felt so different. When realization crashed on her. . .she knew and she hasn't felt the feeling in so long.

Clary felt. . .perfect.

"Clary, I can never look at you differently." he whispered and she opened her mouth to talk.

 **A/N: I know! This chapter is so bad. I hate it! It's been forever but please just stay with guys! School is kicking me so hard right now and I've been in a tough spot in my life. Plus, I'm in a sport. Trust me, I'm trying my hardest. Next chapter, Clary's past will be revealed and the flower of romance will blossom. I'll update soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

_"USELESS, LITTLE BRAT!" he screamed as Clary flinched at his words. She tried to hide the hurt but somehow could still feel it burn in her chest. "You're so useless!" a father shouldn't do this. A father should love their daughters. Clary held the tears back but a few escaped. Her trembling hands picked up the broken plate she dropped. She didn't care about the shards of glass piercing her skin. The pain she felt couldn't build up anymore. "You're such mistake!"_

 _"I'm sorry, dad." she whispered weakly. Her heart pounded in her chest as Valentine's words cut her. This was her life, her hell. Something she just couldn't escape. A ten year old shouldn't have to go through this but Clary did. Everyday until the age eighteen._

 _"Weak, useless. . ." he chanted._

 _"I know." she whispered quietly enough so he couldn't hear._

 _When she was six, she mother and brother left. They fled without her to escape her father. Clary didn't know why she was left behind but she was. She endured the torture and the hate. She feared for her life and she hid her own wounds. It was normal for her. She felt pain. So much pain. It was the only feeling she could feel and Clary hated it._

* * *

 _She finally reached the age of eighteen, graduated high school and left the hell hole she was stuck in. Clary had enough money to leave the small town and move to London. Her best friend Simon was there to help. He gave her a job, food, an apartment. Everything was better for her and the wounds she had healed. She never saw her father and nor did she want to. Until Simon gave her news._

 _"Clary," he whispered and looked down at his coffee. "I'm moving to the U.S. for college." those words almost seemed wrong to her. Simon would never leave her. Right?_

 _"What?" she asked almost dazed. He sadly looked at her. "You're leaving?" he nodded. "When?"_

 _"A week from now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just. . .I was afraid of leaving you here alone." he said. "I care about you. You're my best friend and I'm sorry." she felt a tear fall from her eye. Its been awhile since she felt this much sadness. Her heart clenched as she sobbed._

 _"It's okay." she said. "Stay in touch? Please." her eyes were watering and he smiled at her. Simon stood up and walked over to hug her. She tightly returned the gesture. The fear of never seeing him again over took her and she wanted it to go away. "Thank you, Simon." she sobbed into his chest. He kissed the top of her head gently. She felt his tears seep into her shirt. The world was ending for them because in the first time in their lives, they were going to be separated._

 _A week later they said goodbye but never talked since. She missed him and wondered what he was doing. If he even remembered her._

* * *

 _While walking down the streets of the neighborhood, Clary saw a bookstore that was open. She smiled and walked in. Shelves stood high and pilled with books. It felt like Heaven. She skimmed the books with her eyes and came across to one. Romeo and Juliet. She picked it off and smiled._

 _"Jocelyn?" she heard behind her. When she turned her eyes met a man's. He looked shocked. Clary didn't like how foreign her mother's name was to her. It felt unnatural. She shook her head. "No." the man whispered and closed his eyes._

 _"She was my mother. . .I'm surprised you know her name or her as well?" she said softly. The man smiled and looked at her carefully._

 _"You're right. She was your mother and I di- do know her." he said back and she froze. He knew her mother and talked about her as if she were here. The feeling of sadness took over her. She stumbled back a bit and clutched the book tightly. "Clarissa?" he asked. She stared at him in awe._

 _"You know my mother?" he nodded slowly. She took a deep breath trying to keep up with everything._

 _"She always talks about you and how she wished you were with her." the man said gently. His words brushed her heart. "How she could have brought you with and how sorry she is. I'm Luke. . .her husband." she closed her eyes at his words. Of course, her mother moved on it was only reasonable but that didn't mean it didn't hurt._

 _"Clary. Well, you already knew that." she said and watched him nod. "Where is she?" she whispered softly and part of her wished he didn't hear. He did and he smiled. "I-" what was she going to say? "I don't know if I can face her yet. . .and-"_

 _"She's dying, Clary." Luke said and cut her off. Clary snapped her eyes up to meet his. She felt like she already lost her mother when really. . .she was just dying slowly. "Cancer and she doesn't have enough time. I understand if you don't want to see her yet, because it's been years and you were stuck with a man you called your father. . .but we're losing her." everything seemed so real now. The world just got a little bit darker and her hate toward life grew, but her next question wasn't even spoken. Luke answered it for her. "Before you ask about Jonathan. . .I think your mother should tell you. It's not my story, Clary."_

 _"Can I think about it?" she whispered and looked down at the ground. Her eyes began to water and the light she tried so hard to build over the years, slowly faded again. From the corner of her eye, she saw Luke nod once._

* * *

 _"Jocelyn?" Luke asked as he entered the room. The red headed woman looked up from her bed. She smiled when she saw her husband. "You have a visitor." he said slowly and opened the door wider to reveal a pale looking Clary. Jocelyn locked eyes with her daughter she had left behind._

 _"Cl-Clary?" she whispered and tried to move from where she was on the bed. Luke rushed to her side and pushed her gently back down. "No. Luke, let me go to her, please." she never took her eyes of Clary. Clary sighed and walked over, feeling the rush of sadness wash over. How many times did she have to relive these painful moments? Clary sat down next to her and sat still. Jocelyn raised her hands and cupped Clary's cheeks. "Baby. My baby." her arms wrapped around her as she sobbed. Clary closed her eyes and realized how much she missed her._

 _"Mom." Clary said rather emotionlessly. Jocelyn sobbed again. They spent hours hugging each other tightly. Neither of them wanted to let go. Clary felt like she gained something back. All the thoughts of her father disappeared and it was just a mother and her daughter. The feeling of her mother's arms around her was different but comforting. Clary missed it. After moments of silent, Clary asked, "Where's Jon?" she felt Jocelyn freeze at the mention of her brother._

 _"Jon. . .took his own life two years ago" Jocelyn said slowly. Clary closed her eyes tightly and held down a sob. "He couldn't take the thought of losing you, Clary." her body racked with sobs and she remembered her brother. The one who would chase away bullies or read her stories every night. The brother that was now gone. Jocelyn held her child closely and Clary could hear her mother's heart beat, and it lulled her to sleep._

 _. . .but the reunion felt so short because two days later. . .Jocelyn's time was up._

 _"Mommy." Clary sobbed and tucked her head under her mother's arms. She cried and cried. Life had an awful way of making people suffer but no one had the choice to live. It was just granted to them._

 _"Clary," Jocelyn whispered weakly. "You've grown and you've grown tough. That little girl to this beautiful woman._ _I know, life is hard but it is also beautiful. There will always be negativity, always be hate but I can see in your eyes, that you have the ability to look past it. People die everyday and you. . .have a chance. So please, fill your life with memories worth remembering. Pain is a feeling that would wash away but regret. . .regret is forever. I love you and I'm so sorry." Jocelyn's heart slowed and Clary listened as it faded. She did regret, regret not trying to find her mother sooner, regret that she let Simon go. A long beep of the heart monitor sounded through the room. Luke stood not too far away watching with tears. Tears were everything. Happiness, sadness. Clary felt alone and broken. She felt lost but her mother's words sang softly to her._

 _"I love you, mommy. I forgive you." Clary whispered at last and her dull, colorless world. . .showed a little bit of hope. People lose things all the time but tomorrow, we always get something new, and for Clary, her life began the next day._

* * *

"Life. It's too short for regret, Jace." Clary said. "Trust me, I know what you've gone through. . .but every second you're alive is worth living. You don't know what happens tomorrow. You could lose everything. So don't waste your time thinking about the past when you should dream about the future." she felt a tear steam down her face. The past memories always made her cry but she got stronger. Her hands reached up to cup his cheeks. He stared straight into her eyes. "There's never enough time. . .all it takes is one second and everything's gone."

Jace closed his eyes and thought of his parents. The risk his father took, the love his mother gave and all for what? So he could live his life miserable? It hurt to move on because it felt like forgetting. He felt so lost in his own world. So afraid to step out the door.

"We all fear something, Jace. It's who we are and we can't stop that." she leaned forward and pressed her forehead on his. She closed her eyes alone with him. The sat there for awhile. Not caring about the world around them or what their past was. It was just them. Nothing else. "Pain will go away. Trust me it will but regret. . .regret is forever."

"I can't seem to forget." Jace whispered and tried to shut out the memories of his parents. Clary smiled softly and opened her eyes. She ran her thumb over his bottom lip. A spark ignited between them. Jace sighed and leaned farther into her.

"Then don't but move on. You're lost, Jace, you seem so alone." she paused and watched as he opened his eyes. The golden pools looked back at her and she could tell that they were about to cry. She smiled and brushed her lips against his. He smiled as the warmth of her mouth touched his. Jace felt his body blaze with fire and something burned in his chest. Something he never thought he could so feel so much of. Love. Clary smiled and pulled away before it could become an actual kiss. She stared into his eyes and whispered. "I have found you. . .I am here. You're not alone because I love you."

Jace felt his tears fall against his skin. For the first time in so long he felt free. The past didn't bound him because Clary has broken his chains. He pushed his lips on hers and kissed her. At that moment, there was no tomorrow, no yesterday, no misery. Just them.

 **A/N: YAY! Clary's past has been UNCOVERED! I'm slowly running out of ideas for this story so if anyone wants to give suggestions, I would gladly accept! Anyway, the next chapter should be out soon. AND. . .I just want to say that, everyone has their struggles but we have to smile about one thing in the world. I don't know what that may be because I've had/have my painful times but somehow, I find a way to smile. Negative things pass by, maybe slowly but they will pass, positive things last forever. You remember them and look back on them. It's easy to fall into the hard times but the sun always shines, maybe it's cover with clouds but it's there. Just keep looking. You're not alone in your struggle. People out there hurt too.**


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